Girls Aloud

01/06/08, M.E.N. Arena.

A facebooker was trying to get rid of a spare ticket to see Girls Aloud - I thought hmm, why not? I had no other plans, and I guessed it would be an entertaining show.
One of the disco chicks in Detroit Rock City gives the rockers/stoners a really good little sermon on how she doesn't care about the idea of disco against rock or any of that kind of nonsense, she just likes good songs no matter what genre they are in. Testify sister, testicle! I feel her... I'm with her; and to an extent I'm with Girls Aloud - they are entertaining, fun, have some pretty good pop songs. They descended to the stage on strings wearing silver capes, a flash of fire engulfed them and the first song kicked in.

It was quite a funny feeling to walk into the M.E.N. Arena and be struck by how *small* it is! It just so happens that the concert I went to four days before was five times bigger. This perhaps diminished some of the spectacle of the M.E.N. show, and really hammered home just how amazing Bruce Springsteen is for making everyone connect in such a massive venue as Old Trafford whilst also being engaged in genuine performance of art. Of course, Girls Aloud never set out to be anything more than just performance, and on the terms of performance it was pretty good. Lots of dance routines, costumes and fireworks.

There's one key to the show though: It'd be rubbish if the girls weren't sexy. There's nothing mesmerising about the show, it isn't like Cirque Du Soleil, or like Kiss. It is a spectacle that operates by pulling different strings. It's all about those bottoms that sexy girls have. And clothes they squeeze them into, obviously. Lots of amazing flashy dresses. Sparkle-sparkle. I've never seen so much Alfie since Saturday night down Deansgate.
The key audience seems to be girls who want to be 'glamorous' and gays who want to be 'fabulous'. And that's what a lot of straight men don't understand about girls like this... they aren't dressing up to have you perve on their breasts, that's just a by-product of the image sold to them. The image is what matters to them, not the fact that it happens to be sexually provocative to men. It's full-on consumer identity politics and they are fully consumed by it. Which is hot. As Paris Hilton would say.

Halfway through the gig a big walkway lowers down from the ceiling to give the girls access to a sub-stage in the middle of the arena. Standing just metres from this walkway, I had quite a moment with Nicola Roberts. She stopped and looked right into my eyes; such an odd expression riding across her face. I didn't know what to do, I guess she would expect me to scream and wave, but instead I just stood there smiling into her eyes and she did the same back. I quite like the thought that the WEIRD one from Girls Aloud probably thought I was a weirdo; neither a little girl or a parent nor a screaming homosexual. I find her somewhat beguiling. I only wish I'd mouthed this to her, 'I find you somewhat beguiling.'

Song highlights: Push It, a cover of Salt-N-Pepa. Walk This Way, a Run DMC cover. The usual big singles were all enjoyable.
Fling is a notable song, a terrible influence on all the little girls (dressed like grown-up late-at-night girls);

//Chorus:
It's just a fling baby, fling baby
Nothing more than a fling baby, fling baby
Just a bit of ding-a-ling baby, bling baby
Don't want relationships so swing baby, swing baby! //

Who's that hottie over there?
Big bad boy with big bad hair
I can feel instinctively
He'll be riding up on me

Who's that with that big fat dame?
Come give me love, come keep me sane
But don't be getting soft on me
Just give me something casually

So come closer to me
Cuz I wanna feel the heat
You're fine and that's okay
That's all that you need to be

Chorus... then,

Who's that hottie in the dark?
Body like a work of art
Feel your eyes undressing me
Strip me of my modesty

Hey you with that sexy smile
Come give me loving kinky style
But don't be talking love and things
Cuz baby I aint listening ...&c

...well, I guess you could call them Feminists. They certainly have lovely bottoms enough to be Feminists!